Psalm 55:1-4: Listen to my prayer, O God, do not ignore my plea; Hear me and answer me. My thoughts trouble me and I am distraught because of what my enemy is saying, because of the threats of the wicked; for they bring down suffering on me and assail me in their anger.

It was April 8, 1994 when it happened. Nirvana lead singer Kurt Cobain, the media-proclaimed voice of my generation, killed himself. A part of me died that day, too.

A high school senior at an all-boys, Catholic high school, I definitely did not fit in. I wasn’t athletic enough to be a jock. I wasn’t smart enough to be a nerd. I didn’t dress well enough to be a prep. In a racially-diverse school with simmering racial tensions, I wasn’t white enough or brown enough to fit in with any race.

I was simply a loser. And so was Kurt Cobain. His lyrics of pain, loneliness and anger resonated with me throughout my high school years.

So when he ended his life that April morning, I was devastated. Making matters worse was the next day at school, when the hallways were filled with Kurt Cobain jokes and insults … even by teachers. It’s no wonder I contemplated the same fate as Cobain.

Thank God my attempt failed. Something happened over the next few months. I began to pray. But not the way I was taught to pray: say one “Our Father,” three “Hail Marys” and an Act of Contrition. I talked to God. I poured out my heart. I asked God to help me. I shifted my focus from my present to my future. I tightened my circle of “friends” to include only those who were supportive. I met Carla. And I finally got the professional help I needed to control my illness: depression.

God will not ignore our pleas for help. But we must open our hearts and minds to God, ask for the help, and commit to the change. I learned that talking to God is not just going through the repetitious moments of prayer and church, but rather having a conversation.

Prayer: God. We know you are here for us, always. Please help us commit to the change required to have our prayers fulfilled. Amen.